if you see the theme here of searching for gxd, congratulations you're not blind and you can see the obvious. if you notice that I am cynical, jaded, and sarcastic, congratulations you can read my tone of voice and I did something correctly when I am writing this. if you notice my criticism of certain methods, note that it is not a personal attack on the people who follow those, but a search that for myself has lead to a different way.
have a relationship with a gxd of your own understanding, they say. then they dictate that this gxd of your own understanding must be caring and kind and have the best of intentions for you, and thus must be all-powerful.
get closer to this gxd through meditation and prayer and call it a spiritual awakening and join in the violence that proselytising beliefs to others has been since time immemorial; claim to them that if only they do what they do, then they will get what you have.
how am I supposed to have a relationship with something that I by definition cannot understand? how am I supposed to believe that what they believe is remotely possible, when I look out at the world and all I see is death and war and woe. if anything, these are the things that make me certain that there is no caring and compassionate, all-knowing, all-powerful gxd. if there were then we would not have genocide, baseless hatreds, murder, self-harm, sexual assault, and war; the list of crimes and sins goes on, but if there were a gxd that they claim then none of those need ever happen to people.
and then they answer with some sort of mock-profound bullshit that their higher power only gives people those sort of challenges to make them stronger; I cannot believe that something which does that cares about the hundreds of thousands who are then not strong enough, and if it does not care about them, then it probably doesn't care about me either. any gxd that gives people those sorts of harms and hurts is not some-thing that I want to believe in in the first place; if I believe that they believe it is only that I believe they are delusional and incapable of admitting that in reality there are horrible people in the world who use that same gxd to justify awful acts on both the micro and the macro scales.
the closer I look the less that I want any-thing to do with it.
#Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Agnostic #Agnosticism #God #Gxd #Nonfiction #Recovery #Sober #SoberAsFuck #WeDoRecover #XA